


Breath of Life

by Arillow



Series: Leokasa Week 2020 [3]
Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Day 3: Love & Healing, Falling In Love, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Leokasa Week, M/M, Mild Angst, One-Sided Izuleo, Past Izuleo, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23781409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arillow/pseuds/Arillow
Summary: He should have known that, if someone in Knights were to find out about his disease, it would be the newbie.
Relationships: Suou Tsukasa/Tsukinaga Leo
Series: Leokasa Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710673
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61
Collections: Leokasa Week





	Breath of Life

Staying hadn't been in Leo's plans at all. Going back to Yumenosaki, the only thing he had wanted was to have some closure with Knights — and with Izumi.

After all, his own time was running out, and he didn't want them to see when he died.

But, standing on that stage during Judgment with the newbie claiming that he wanted Leo to lead them — just a kid who didn't know better, didn't know what had happened or what was still to happen, and yet he stubbornly refused to let Leo leave. How could Leo do anything but comply after Suou Tsukasa's victory?

Well, it's fine, he told himself. Maybe he still had time, just enough until graduation. He could acquiesce to the stubbornness and selfishness of his cute ignorant underclassman for a little while.

* * *

He should have known that, if someone in Knights were to find out about his disease, it would be the newbie.

Tsukasa found him one afternoon in the archery hall, hunched on the floor and coughing his lungs out, splattering the wood floor with blood and blue rose petals, the kittens and Little John all huddled around him, meowing loudly as if trying to call for help.

"Leader?" His cute face was horrified when Leo managed to look at him, blood trailing down his chin. "Wha—... I-I'm going to call help, please wait here!"

"No!" Leo grabbed for him, managing to close his hands around his leg and almost toppling him over. Tsukasa made an undignified sound as he tripped and almost fell, managing to balance himself before looking at Leo again. "Please don't call anyone, ok?"

"But you're coughing blood!" Tsukasa tried to get rid of his grip, and sighed in annoyance when Leo shook his head, wrapping his arms around his leg, refusing to let him go. "Leader... Let me at least take you to the infirmary, then."

"There's no need, I'll be fine." Leo insisted.

It took him a few more minutes before he could convince Tsukasa to stay there with him. By then, he had already stopped coughing, although he could still feel his throat itching. Tsukasa quietly helped him clean up the floor, his eyes lingering a bit too long on the rose petals, the blue now covered in drying blood. Then they sat down with the kittens, and Leo could feel Tsukasa's eyes on him the whole time.

"Don't tell anyone," He said before Tsukasa could say something. "Especially not anyone in Knights."

"... Is it one of them?" Tsukasa asked, and Leo turned his face away from him, but could still hear him sigh. "Of course it is." There was more silence for a while, and then Tsukasa said reluctantly, "I won't tell."

"Thanks!" Leo looked at him with a grin, and received only a shake of his head.

"You should at least see a doctor, Leader," He said. "If it's already this bad that you're coughing petals, it will soon  _ interfere _ with our live performances.

"I know." Leo played with the paws of one of the kittens, the one called Suo, who swatted at his fingers annoyed at being played with. "I already saw a doctor. I won't live much longer." He saw Tsukasa's eyes widening in horror, and he tried to laugh, "It's ok!"

"No, it is not!" Tsukasa grabbed his shoulders, scaring the kittens away. "Leader, what do you mean you won't live longer? Can't you do the surgery—?"

"I don't want to." Leo interrupted him, looking away. The itch in his throat grew, and he tried to hold back the urge to cough. Tsukasa wouldn't be too happy to have him throwing up blood and flowers on him. "Look, it's fine, Suo~. I still have around one year, so I will have graduated once it happens, so you don't need to worry."

"How do you expect me not to worry?" Tsukasa's hands gripped harder his shoulders, and he looked on the verge of crying. “You having only one year doesn’t make it any better!”

"Well, it's not like it will make a big difference for you, right? Wahaha~ Knights will have a new leader by then, and you won't have to hinder yourself with me anymore! Isn't that good for you?"

"Why... are you saying something so mean?" He looked as if Leo had just slapped him. His hands fell from Leo's shoulders and he got up, his small frame shaking. "Leader, if you really think you dying is something good for me, then you're a big  _ idiot _ ."

And he left without giving Leo the chance to say anything else.

* * *

True to his word, Tsukasa didn't mention what had happened in the archery hall to anyone else. However, Leo could feel his eyes on him whenever he coughed, or when he was too out of breath after their dance lessons. But he didn't comment on it, and neither did Leo.

As long as Izumi didn’t find out, he would be fine, he thought.

Even if his lungs and throat hurt so much he couldn’t breath, even if sometimes he feared he would suffocate, he could deal with the pain. He could fake a smile and pretend everything would be alright. He only couldn’t see Izumi blaming himself for this — it had been his own fault, after all, Izumi was not to blame for his own feelings leading to this. He wouldn’t commit the same mistake again of placing all the blame on his shoulders and have them fall apart once again.

“You’re an idiot.” Tsukasa would tell him everytime he caught him coughing up blood and petals. He had started carrying tissues with him to help Leo clean up, just like he now carried paper and pens for Leo to compose. He was such a weird kid, Leo couldn't help but think. “You need to take better care of yourself, Leader.”

He pressed a tissue to the corner of Leo’s mouth as he said that, frowning as he wiped the blood lingering there.

“I’ll be fine!” Leo insisted as always. “But listen Suo, I have a new song!”

Tsukasa sighed, not seeming so excited about that. (Why? What could be more important than one of his masterpieces? He kept giving him that look of  _ what am I supposed to do with you _ , a mix of frustration and fondness in his eyes that Leo couldn’t understand.)

Even so he sat by his side and listened as Leo showed him the music scores and hummed the new melody.

* * *

“Why don’t you confess?” Tsukasa asked once. They were alone in the archery hall again, the kittens now gone after they had found new homes for them. It felt kind of lonely without them there; if Leo wasn’t so certain of his impending death, he would maybe have adopted one of them.

“Mm?” He gave Tsukasa a puzzled look from where he was lying on his belly on the floor, countless papers with music notes scattered in front of him. A small pile of tissues dirty with blood sat on a pile by his side.

Tsukasa wasn’t looking at him, rather keeping his eyes on one of the papers he had grabbed from Leo’s scattered mess.

“You should confess to the person you love.” Tsukasa said. “What if they like you back?”

Leo hummed, understanding now. Sure, having their feelings being corresponded was one way of being healed from the hanahaki disease, but…

“I already did.”

Tsukasa finally looked at him, seeming surprised.

“You… did?”

“Yup!” Leo looked at the papers in front of him, his new song that had come up to him while he was watching Tsukasa practice kyudo. Lately he had caught himself thinking too much of Tsukasa, composing too many new songs with him in his mind. “I told him  _ I love you _ many and many times, but apparently he didn’t love me back~. Or at least not in a romantic way.”

It was complicated knowing for sure what Izumi felt when he did his best to deny it, but at least Leo knew he didn’t hate him. However he had already lost hopes for a romantic relationship with him. That bridge had been burned long ago already.

_ It’s alright _ , Leo told himself. Even if Izumi didn’t love him back, even if he couldn’t have his heart and his kisses and a promise of a life by his side, he was satisfied with just being by his side now.

(Again, it hadn’t been in his plans. He was supposed to have left after Judgment, leaving Knights to Izumi and disappearing for good, before his life expired.

But a certain cute, stubborn kid had refused to let him go.)

“Oh.” Tsukasa muttered in a cute way, and Leo almost laughed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay!” Leo flashed him a smile. “Some things are not meant to be, Suo. I can’t force him to love me back, and it’s okay.”

“But now you’re going to…” Tsukasa stopped himself, his voice seeming to get caught in his throat. He then whispered, “I don’t want you to die, Leader.”

“Mm, I don’t want to die either!”

“Then—”

“Nope!” They already had this discussion before. “I don’t want to forget my feelings. As much as they hurt, they’re mine!” The flowers growing in his lungs and slowly suffocating him were proof of those days he had spent with Izumi in the past, back when Knights was just the two of them and things weren’t complicated, before he drenched himself in blood of friends and foes and lost himself down that path. He didn’t want to forget.

Tsukasa was once again looking like he was about to cry. Leo really didn’t understand him; why did it matter for him? He was always annoyed at him, always complaining about him missing lessons or writing on the walls. Leo had once thought Tsukasa really disliked him.

But seeing him now, with the sad look of a lost child, he realized it probably wasn’t that at all.

Relationships were so complicated, he thought.

He slowly sat up and reached a hand to pat Tsukasa’s head, receiving a confused look from the other.

“There, there~” He said, “You don’t need to be sad, Suo. Even if I’m gone, I’ll leave all of these beautiful songs for you to remember me by, so don’t cry, okay~?”

“... You really  _ are _ an idiot.” Tsukasa sighed, and swatted his hand away. “Stop patting my head, I’m not a child.”

Leo merely laughed, going back to his papers, feeling Tsukasa’s eyes on his back the whole time.

* * *

Tsukasa was a mystery to him. Even if he complained that Leo was irresponsible and reckless, he seemed to follow him everywhere, always chasing after him to bring him to their lessons.

At first Leo had wondered why he even cared. Knights was a group of individualists, so why did it matter if they practiced together or alone as long as they could deliver a beautiful performance on stage? But he soon understood: Tsukasa valued Knights way more than that. He wanted them to be a team — a group in every sense of the word.

He hadn’t expected that when he came back to Yumenosaki, but he couldn’t say he disliked it now. Even if the time he had to spend with them now was short, he wanted to treasure it — sitting by the kotatsu with them, watching Izumi knitting and Ritsu sleeping, Arashi giggling at Tsukasa’s constant complaints that  _ we should practice and not lounge around like this! _ New melodies, happier melodies, always came up in his mind in these moments. His eyes would fall on Tsukasa fondly, and he would wonder if they would even be like this if he wasn’t there, so insistent and stubborn.

Even though it was winter, Leo didn’t feel cold at all.

* * *

Leo couldn’t pinpoint exactly  _ when _ the flowers he coughed up had changed — but he only realized when Tsukasa pointed it out.

“These  _ petals _ are different.”

For a few days his coughing had gotten better, and he almost had deluded himself in thinking he was healed (How? Did Izumi finally return his feelings? But how would he know that?). But then it had come back full force, and he found himself throwing up blood and more petals in the studio.

Fortunately, only Tsukasa had been there, and as always he started helping him clean up, only to stop when he noticed the new petals.

“Huh?” Leo blinked, confused, and realized he was right. These petals weren’t the usual blue rose ones, but small pink petals.

“They’re cherry blossom petals.” Tsukasa commented, picking up one half covered in blood. He looked at Leo, his violet eyes showing as much confusion as Leo was feeling. “I had never heard of this happening before.”

“Me neither.” Leo had no idea of the meaning of this.

Tsukasa sat back, a hand touching his chin as a thoughtful expression appeared on his face. Leo couldn’t help but chuckle — of course he would try to figure out what was behind this mystery.

“Suo, what are you even thinking right now?” He asked in amusement, receiving a soft hum in response.

“Just wondering the  _ meaning _ of this.” Tsukasa resumed the clean up, scrubbing the droplets of blood from the floor with a tissue. “There are theories… Some people say the petals one coughs up might be related to the person they’re in love with.”

“Mm, like a flower they like?” Leo asked. “Or maybe because of flower language?”

Tsukasa shrugged, “I don’t know. There is nothing confirmed, of course, it’s just a theory. But this could be the key to this  _ mystery _ here.”

Leo hummed, staring at the petals. He then looked at Tsukasa, concentrated on cleaning up the floor. Tsukasa, who was always chasing after him and placing so many expectations on him; who kept his secret despite disagreeing with him, who worried about his health even when Leo wasn’t sure he liked him. Who asked him to stay and lead Knights even after fighting him, even after Leo offered Knights to him. Who wrapped him in a warm cape when he was left lost and alone in the cold.

And he understood why the flowers had changed.

* * *

Leo had once thought he was ready for graduation and to say goodbye, but it turned out he wasn't. After their Requiem was over and the realization that  _ oh, this is it _ dawned on him, he felt a great sadness wash over him.

Of course, it wasn’t really over. It was not like they would just disappear forever now. Knights would still go on, now under Tsukasa’s rule, towards a new tomorrow. Izumi would pursue his career as a model, and Leo had no doubts he would succeed at it. And Leo…

Well, maybe  _ he _ would actually disappear. (Not that the others needed to know this. Only Tsukasa seemed to be aware of that fact.)

His condition was worsening now, and it was getting harder to hide it from everyone. As soon as he could, he would leave and wouldn’t come back.

But first, he had to say one last goodbye. After all, he owed at least that to Tsukasa after all the support he got from him.

That’s why, after changing back from his performance outfit, he grabbed Tsukasa and dragged him away, ignoring his protests.

“Lead— Leo-san!” He complained, and Leo’s heart skipped a beat upon hearing his name on his lips.  _ Leo-san, Leo-san, Leo-san _ . “Wait, where are we going?!”

“I just need a quiet corner~.”

Tsukasa muttered something else, but ended up allowing Leo to drag him into an empty classroom. His eyes were still reddened from all the crying on stage, and Leo had no doubts he was in the same state.

“What is it that you want?” Tsukasa asked with a resigned sigh. “It’s getting late, so we should go home.”

“I know.” Leo sat on a desk, moving his legs back and forth like a child. Staring at Tsukasa now, he didn’t feel as nervous as he thought he would. After everything they had gone through, and after everything that had been said tonight, he felt only a great fondness for him. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For what?” Tsukasa frowned, sitting on the chair in front of him. Even though he used to keep his distance when they first met, now he seemed comfortable with the proximity.

_ I could just lean in and kiss him _ , Leo thought, but quickly dismissed the idea. Tsukasa probably wouldn’t like that very much.

“For keeping my secret.” He said instead, “For staying by my side and helping me. For everything.”

Tsukasa stayed quiet, and for a moment Leo thought he would start crying again — small tears accumulated in the corners of his eyes and he pressed his lips together, a pained expression on his face.

“Is there really no other way?” He whispered. Leo gave him a sad smile and shook his head.

“It’s alright.”  _ It’s alright, it’s alright _ , the mantra he kept repeating, the lie he kept saying to Tsukasa, to himself. It wasn’t alright, but it had to be, somehow. “Suo made my last months really fun, after all! I hope I’ll still be around to see what kind of King you will be though, wahaha~☆”

A tear streamed down Tsukasa’s cheek, and Leo couldn’t help but reach out and wipe it away, his thumb brushing against his soft skin — and Tsukasa leaned into the touch, his eyes closing for a moment as he took a deep breath, as if trying to recompose himself.

Then, before Leo could react, he reached forward and wrapped his arms around Leo, bringing him closer and burying his face in his stomach. Small sobs left his mouth, his shoulders trembling. Leo was too surprised to do anything immediately, but then he placed his own hands on Tsukasa’s shoulders, leaning over to rest his forehead against his head.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered against bright red hair, the sound of Tsukasa’s sobs tearing his heart appart. The itch in his throat was getting almost unbearable, but he tried to hold it back. The last thing he needed in this moment was to throw up more blood and make Tsukasa despair even more.

“I’m don’t want you to die,” Tsukasa cried against him, his hands clutching the back of his shirt as if he could keep Leo there with him like that. “I want you to live… Live on as much as you can.”

“That would be nice,” Leo chuckled, his fingers playing with Tsukasa’s hair. “But hey, why are you crying like I’m gonna die tomorrow? I still might have a few more months! Maybe even a year or two, who knows~.”

He liked to think like that — he wanted it to be true. He wanted to be there to see the splendid King that Tsukasa surely would become, and be by his side to help him with his struggles that he certainly would face.

But the truth was he had no idea how much time he had left.

Tsukasa raised his head, and clinging to each other like this their faces were just a few centimeters away. Leo couldn’t look away from his eyes, bright and innocent, and now burning with such determination, just like they had been on that day months ago, when they faced each other on a stage and he answered Leo’s challenge with a self-introduction.

“I know you’re in love with someone else,” He muttered. “But… If that’s how things are supposed to end, then I at least want to tell you how I feel as well. I love you, Leo-san.”

Leo’s eyes widened, and he couldn’t form word even if he tried. He searched into those violet eyes for any sign that this was a lie or a joke — but then again Suou Tsukasa was not the type of person who would joke about something like this.

Tsukasa started to pull away, having fulfilled his wish of confessing his feelings, but Leo stopped him, holding his face in his hands.

“Suo,” He whispered, “What… exactly do you mean with that?”

It was too good to be true. But could he really hope that Tsukasa felt the same as him? Tsukasa’s cheeks were red, but he placed his hands over Leo’s, gently holding them there. Then slowly, quietly, as if to give Leo the option to pull away, he leaned in again and pressed his lips against Leo’s.

None of them moved for a few long seconds, and then Tsukasa pulled away again, ducking his head down to hide his expression from Leo, and this time Leo let him go. He was too stunned to react.

“I apologize, that was way out of line.” Tsukasa said, rubbing his face with his hands to wipe away any tears that were left. “Then, I shall take my leave now—”

Leo interrupted him just as he was trying to stand up, throwing himself forward and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pressing their lips together again in a messy kiss. Tsukasa made an undignified sound as Leo fell on his lap, and Leo chuckled as he adjusted himself in a more comfortable position before going back to kissing him, this time slowly and tenderly.

“Leo-san—”

“Suo, you iiiidiot~.” Leo chuckled. “Or maybe I’m the idiot? Or are we both idiots?”

“I’d appreciate it if you would stop calling me idiot.”

“I love you, Suo~.” Leo interrupted him, and he could hear clearly as Tsukasa’s breath hitched, his eyes widening. He couldn’t resist leaning in for another quick kiss, pulling away only to press their foreheads together. Tsukasa hesitated before placing his hands on Leo’s cheeks.

“I love you too, Leo-san.” He sounded more confident in his confession now, his eyes gentle and warm. “You should’ve just told me this before.”

“I always said it though!”

“You always say it to everyone else too,” Tsukasa rolled his eyes, sounding tired. “How was I supposed to know it was different for me?”

“Oh.” He was right. Leo shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter now!”

Tsukasa huffed, muttering  _ why are you always like this _ , and leaned in to hide his face in Leo’s neck, hugging him protectively.

“You’re going to be alright now, won’t you?” He whispered. “You’re going to live?”

“Mhm, I hope so. We never know, accidents happen though!”

“Leo-san!”

Leo merely laughed, peppering kisses all over Tsukasa’s face while he complained.

For the first time in what felt like ages, he felt like he could breath again.


End file.
